Last week was the "Roze Week" in Alkmaar, a pretty happy event for the gay community (http://www.rozeweekalkmaar.nl). Nice programme and everyone seems to show how much he/she embrace the community. However, I had an experience, which made me a bit sceptic and hesitate to join the activities. Guess it is time to share this with you. When I had a bit more time besides my family obligations and work to volunteer for doing something useful for the community I wrote an Email about 2 years ago to a member of the Alkmaar town council that I would be willing to share some time for helping other transgender and women, eg to contribute to cultural events or go for them to mediate in family and/or employment issues. As they were anyway considering to recruit some "Homo" ambassadors they thaught I could possibly be interested for the transgender topic. I was introduced to one of the official Board members of the local COC (which represents LGBT issues) and I wrote him openly that I would be willing to help, not necessarily in a time demanding ambassadors function, but indeed to support the community with the means I could offer. I also mentioned that I have to be careful with the media as some clients of my own little business do not know about my transgender situation and I am serving them as a male. Why make things too difficult as I have a family to feed and professional life has to consider some compromises if money is concerned. I am not that wealthy that I could afford to slow down my work orders. Fortunately, there are indeed a lot of people I work for as a woman and I am not secretive about my female identity.
After writing this in an Email and offering to meet and discuss further I never received a reply back. From time to time I send an Email asking what is wrong. Never any response back. Later I met with the member of the town council who introduced me to the COC and she was inquiring there what has happened. Obviously, the person in the COC board did not like the content of my message, for whatever reason. Probably, as he was the opinion that all gay people have to out themselves he did not like my hesitant behavior to be a bit more modest in my information flow to the outside world. Of course, I tried to explain that most transgender have to be cautious as they really can loose everything. If a man is saying that he is gay, most get over it. If a man from one day to another is presenting in the other gender, people are concerned about their reputation and many other issues which can result the immediately this brave person loose the job, friends, family in the worst case. The devilicious circle starts and transgender people can end up in prostitution, drugs and eventually suicide.
Probably, as a gay person for him transgender are Drag queens trying to attrack other men and use the make-up, clothing etc more as a fetish rather than as a daily life outfit. When I go to work, keep a decent contact to my neighbors and clients in the female role I am probably well adviced to blend in and not to stay out in an overly exagerated way, right? To even consider some advancement in career progression in order to earn the funds to feed yourself and even a family means to be careful how you present yourself. Nothing wrong with Drags as they are a lot of fun. Like every woman I also enjoy being dressed up to the nines from time to time. But to help other transgender MtF's we need to present them in the public imaging also as people that can be taken serious. That's what I wanted to get engaged with.
Now, I am in the meantime in two professional "women-only" network organisations and I have a lot of fun with these ladies. I am sorry to say that I will find it now difficult to accept that gay organisations really are willing to understand and support transgender people as they do not match the image they have. With this conclusion I decided not to visit the Drag Queen Olympics throwing handbags, etc during Roze Week and make some nice days off with my family. I am happy to attend the network events of my professional network organizations and try to show these ladies and men that transgender women have a brain, something meaningful to contribute and are not more or less nice people as any other professional woman.
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