A short trip to Brussels

The reason for this little trip was a conference in Brussels. Besides many meetings during the 2 days I had a few hours off and took the chance to do some shopping and strolling through the town. Weather was nice, but you feel it gets pretty chilly already in the late afternoon hours. I will spare you with the typical sightseeing attractions as the grand market, Manneken Pis, etc. I didn't had the chance to look at all this with sufficient musing as I was still equipped with the PC & paper and sat down in a nice old restaurant/cafe near the center (Falstaff) to some homework while enjoying a good cup of cappuccino.
On the way back to the hotel I could not resist to shop, putting on some dresses and eventually found some stuff  that was nicely reduced and looked fine at an Esprit store. Then, I was in the mood to dig even further into the town center and to my delight found a shop of La Cure Gourmante, the favorite chocolate and sweet shop in France of my wife & me. The items are lovely presented and taste good, too. Below I placed some pics that give you an impression:

My favorites there are the olives, they look almost real and contain amandels coated with chocolate. You simply have to taste it! Second are the nougats in different tastes and compositions.

O.K., as I am gaining weight while writing all this I continued my little stroll and entered one of the restaurants at the food mall in the pedestrian area (too my opinion completely overpriced, but cozy at least). Funnily, I had the chance to found another presentation of Manneken Pis which made me smile....;-)

As my flight next morning was scheduled to depart at 6.00 a.m. I decided to call it a night now and moved back to my hotel to dig in my little nest.

Stumbling into a concert

Dear all,
last Sunday (Sept 23rd) was a pretty hectic day as I got up early to work through many items on my 'to do' list. After a quick coffee, doing the make-up routine and getting ready for the day I run to my office and try to get my pile of paper down to a more acceptable level. Did I told anyone that I hate paperwork...? My wife and my little son were at the home of my parents in law in Germany. Probably very busy as the Skype messenger from their side stayed quiet. Whilst getting through the worst paperwork I tackled the topic I really run away  most. My tax declaration for 2011. As I have incomes in two different European member states I have actually to do two of them and to communicate them rightfully to the tax authorities. Thankfully, I have good tax advisors... I hoped to be ready around 14.00 hours but at 15.00 I was still scanning documents and bringing them in order. Than finally my lovely wife called me on Skype and told me she arrived safely from her parents to our little place in Germany. Okay, I wanted still to go to our Storage facility to stuff back my camping gear in good order which has been thrown into the box in a hurry already a while ago and continue to IKEA for getting some of the Ivar shelfs. At 16.00 I was finally ready, throw the tax declaration into the mailbox and speeded first to IKEA (30 min drive) getting the stuff, queuing in line and getting about 300 Euros worth of wood into my car, heading to the storage box and then get everything arranged with sweat running down my face (never optimal conditions especially if you have to wear heavy make-up).
After all the stress I thought I owed a nice dinner and a good glass of wine and drove to Koekenbier, a nice women-friendly restaurant in Alkmaar.
After a lot of action coming to a place where you can relax I felt to see the women's room and met a very nice, friendly lady. She chatted with two about 6 years old little gals, making jokes and I just thought "Wow she is really nice." Of course,  I was a bit unsecure .... Don't laugh, yes I am a bit shy. With all the make-up you just can't see me blushing... So we casually say good bye and I ordered a quick salad to get some energy to my brain. Suddenly I heard music from the neighboring room and when I finished I decided to take a look. There I met the nice girl from the ladies room and she was indeed the singer. Just then I realized that it is Kim de Boer, the finalist in the recent "Voice of Holland"  competition. She is from Alkmaar which explains she made the concert in a more intimate little side room of the restaurant. This was pretty cool and she played for about another 40 minutes. This was real cool stuff. Of course, the acoustic of the little bar room for amplified music is not the same as if you would have a bit larger room, but you could feel the passion, her great voice and the groove she is so talented with. After the concert she casually talked to everybody and even agreed to take a picture with me.

Kim, thank you, you really made the initially boring Sunday a real highlight I will definitely remember.

Transgender in the LGB "T" community

Last week was the "Roze Week" in Alkmaar, a pretty happy event for the gay community (http://www.rozeweekalkmaar.nl). Nice programme and everyone seems to show how much he/she embrace the community. However, I had an experience, which made me a bit sceptic and hesitate to join the activities. Guess it is time to share this with you. When I had a bit more time besides my family obligations and work to volunteer for doing something useful for the community I wrote an Email about 2 years ago to a member of the Alkmaar town council that I would be willing to share some time for helping other transgender and women, eg to contribute to cultural events or go for them to mediate in family and/or employment issues. As they were anyway considering to recruit some "Homo" ambassadors they thaught I could possibly be interested for the transgender topic. I was introduced to one of the official Board members of the local COC (which represents LGBT issues) and I wrote him openly that I would be willing to help, not necessarily in a time demanding ambassadors function, but indeed to support the community with the means I could offer. I also mentioned that I have to be careful with the media as some clients of my own little business do not know about my transgender situation and I am serving them as a male. Why make things too difficult as I have a family to feed and professional life has to consider some compromises if money is concerned. I am not that wealthy that I could afford to slow down my work orders. Fortunately, there are indeed a lot of people I work for as a woman and I am not secretive about my female identity.
After writing this in an Email and offering to meet and discuss further I never received a reply back. From time to time I send an Email asking what is wrong. Never any response back. Later I met with the member of the town council who introduced me to the COC and she was inquiring there what has happened. Obviously, the person in the COC board did not like the content of my message, for whatever reason. Probably, as he was the opinion that all gay people have to out themselves he did not like my hesitant behavior to be a bit more modest in my information flow to the outside world. Of course, I tried to explain that most transgender have to be cautious as they really can loose everything. If a man is saying that he is gay, most get over it. If a man from one day to another is presenting in the other gender, people are concerned about their reputation and many other issues which can result the immediately this brave person loose the job, friends, family in the worst case. The devilicious circle starts and transgender people can end up in prostitution, drugs and eventually suicide.
Probably, as a gay person for him transgender are Drag queens trying to attrack other men and use the make-up, clothing etc more as a fetish rather than as a daily life outfit. When I go to work, keep a decent contact to my neighbors and clients in the female role I am probably well adviced to blend in and not to stay out in an overly exagerated way, right? To even consider some advancement in career progression in order to earn the funds to feed yourself and even a family means to be careful how you present yourself. Nothing wrong with Drags as they are a lot of fun. Like every woman I also enjoy being dressed up to the nines from time to time. But to help other transgender MtF's we need to present them in the public imaging also as people that can be taken serious. That's what I wanted to get engaged with.
Now, I am in the meantime in two professional "women-only" network organisations and I have a lot of fun with these ladies. I am sorry to say that I will find it now difficult to accept that gay organisations really are willing to understand and support transgender people as they do not match the image they have. With this conclusion I decided not to visit the Drag Queen Olympics throwing handbags, etc during Roze Week and make some nice days off with my family. I am happy to attend the network events of my professional network organizations and try to show these ladies and men that transgender women have a brain, something meaningful to contribute and are not more or less nice people as any other professional woman.

Why doing all this???

Why to start a Blog?

Probably, I like to share some experiences that are not so usually found on the straight path of a woman, but which woman would ever call herself a "usual woman". In my case it is probably a bit different as I did not started my life as a woman from the first day and still cannot live as a woman everyday. I am transgender, meaning my feelings, my mind and brain are functioning completely feminine, however, biologically I am a male. As I am not thinking with my genitals I cannot help to accept that I am in fact a pretty normal female that has been raised and socialized as a boy. Thus, I can emulate into the male world, but always felt as a visitor, not being at home in my biological gender. What makes this so interesting to other women? I think it is because I am fully related to their lives, feelings and dreams, but I also know how males are thinking and can predict their actions as I have been living like one. Fom that perspective I could be called 'bi-gendered', an experience I am nowadays mostly sharing with my womanly friends, including my very dear wife, that would like to know more about the "male world". In fact, the topics we are touching are not about soccer, motor-racing or other dominantly male leisure time interests, but much more in the field of professional habits as networking, strategic thinking, decision-making and so on. Also when it comes to dealing with relationships I am often interviewed or asked why in 'God's sake' this guy is acting as he does. This will be subject of some future Blogs, which might just be thoughts I am throwing in this forum.
 
Thus, in other word this Blog is mostly "girl talk" written by a woman for the benefit or fun of other women, of course also including other transgender women. For my it would be great if this might become more interactive and just a monolog. If it is B (i) log it would be already fine, but polylog even better.

Let's see who may be interested in all this...